Q: I am engaged to be married in two months and the devil has attacked my relationship with words, resentment, and division. I know I love this mighty man of God but how do we stop all this bickering? I cannot believe the things we've spoken to each other these last few days please help.

A: Let me answer your question with a question. Did the devil attack your relationship with words, resentment, and division or are you and your spouse attacking each other? James 4:1 pinpoints the source of conflict: "What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Isn't it the whole army of evil desires at war within you?" (NLT)

You and I have the same choice to make—and our choice will largely determine whether we enjoy deep, satisfying relationships, or fragile, disappointing ones. I can't stress enough how crucial it is that both you and your fiancé take personal responsibility for your actions and emotions.

Most of us want to blame those who upset us. We work hard to try to get them to change how they treat us. We attempt in many unhealthy ways to manipulate them, to force them to quit pushing our buttons. But what usually happens when we take this approach? We wind up feeling hurt, abused, estranged, and lonely.

To take personal responsibility means that you refuse to focus on what your soon-to-be-husband has done. Too many of us think, If only my spouse would say this or If only my husband would do that, rather than thinking, I can't change him, but I can change how I think and react to him.

Stop trying to change your fiancé. Start by changing yourself.

Provided by: Smalley Relationship Center