Q: I am struggling with a husband who grew up in an abusive home. He is in denial about that, but has so many wounds that affect his inability to connect, resolve conflict etc. I made him leave for six months after an abusive threat and outburst. He is home now but is trying to determine if he should leave again. If he would come to an intensive is it the type of environment that would be similar to counseling. (He is not receptive to counseling at all.)

A: Yes, the intensive actually is counseling over a four or two day period.  Any childhood issues that affect the current marriage relationship are addressed through the intensive experience.  If your husband would be willing to attend an intensive, it would most definitely provide a lot of insight for him and for you in understanding your fears and how you’ve coped with those over the years.  Though a few days of an intensive sounds dreadful to many people prior to coming, the most common feeling at the end of the intensive is that couples dread leaving, because they feel so safe and connected by the end of the experience.  If you attended a four day intensive, that would be a group counseling experience, and you would be sitting with four other couples throughout the four days.  Many people prefer to be in a group atmosphere, where they’re not on the “hot seat” the whole team, and can learn from observing the work that happens with the other coupIes, as well.  I wish every couple in the nation, even those with good marriages, could experience an intensive, because they can make such a profound difference in the individual life of each person, as well as in his or her marriage.

Answer provided by: Tricia Cunningham, MA, LPC, Director of Support Resources, National Institute of Marriage