Hollister, MO- In a time when military men and women are being deployed more often and for longer tours, military couples struggle to serve both country and family. Many military men and women come home to find that they can no longer relate with their spouse, feeling that they have missed out on special family moments that they can never replace, and sometimes feel that there is no longer a place for them to fit back into the normal routine of life.

“Many times, couples find themselves in a place where their expectations aren’t being met, which ultimately leads to disappointment,” says Tricia Cunningham, Director of Follow-up Services for the National Institute of Marriage. “Communication is the key to help couples work through their expectations and learn to support one another.”

Here are some tips from Tricia Cunningham and The National Institute of Marriage:

1. Communicate changing expectations and desires.  Prior to deployment,  as well as upon returning home, talk through any difficulties you are experiencing regarding your pre-conceived expectations, or new ones that arise.  This will help keep your relationship current.

2. Realize that the greater the distance between the expectation and reality, the greater the disappointment. Make sure that your expectations are realistic, and together, come up with solutions that combine the desires of both husband and wife.

3. Work to reconstruct your relationship as needed.  Be aware that at  pivotal times, such as the birth of a child, one spouse re-entering the work place, or the military spouse re-entering the home after deployment, couples often have  “unspoken expectations” that usually aren’t realized until the disappointment sets in.   .

4. Together, establish a vision for your marriage that goes beyond the difficult circumstances.  Make it like a new job or an adventure; and recognize the importance of re-working the system so that your marriage can be strengthened.

5. Stay committed to your marriage.  Have the mindset that you are going to make your marriage work, regardless of the obstacles.  Yes, even military marriages can be great, as long as both are committed to making it work.

While these tips may seem simple, effective communication and conflict resolution are some of the key tools in creating a satisfying marriage. Breaking through the communication barriers and understanding and adjusting to one another’s expectations will help you achieve relational success.

Media Contact: Cassie Foreman, National Institute of Marriage 1.866.875.2915