Forgiveness, reconciliation and a new beginning is the essence of Easter.  Although this is significant to a person’s relationship with God, this is also true for marital relationships. Grasping the power and making these truths a reality can deepen our walk with God as well as each other.

Whether married a month or 50 years, spouses know that marriage is filled with numerous opportunities to forgive and be forgiven.  Much has been written about forgiveness.  Ideally the person who is in need of forgiveness would initiate the conversation.  It would begin with a statement of “I was wrong…” followed by “I am sorry for such and such”.  Although an apology can be meaningful, it is not the same as asking to be forgiveness.  Forgiveness is something granted by the one who was offended.  Asking to be forgiven is an intentional act of vulnerability.   Ironically, it was the lack of sensitivity to another’s vulnerability that contributed to the request for forgiveness.  Putting oneself in a place of vulnerability along with a genuine sense of humility and willingness to listen to a spouse’s pain can move a couple towards reconciliation.

As the hurt spouse, extending forgiveness can fall anywhere on a scale of easy to difficult.  Regardless of the circumstance, it is essential to understand the basic dynamics of forgiveness.  If not understood, both spouses will be left confused and frustrated.   Like marriage, forgiveness is an event and a process.  A wedding day is the event when a commitment is made to marriage.  Everyday thereafter a spouse walks out the commitment by being faithful, attentive, loving, trustworthy and responsible.  Similarly, there is moment when a commitment or declaration of forgiveness it stated.  Forgiveness requires one to be honest about the hurt and not excuse it.  Although retribution can be levied, forgiveness is to refuse the right to exercise retribution.  With every moment retribution is set aside; the process of forgiveness is applied.  If retribution is the goal, one must stay vigilant for revenge opportunities.  In doing so, the pain is kept fresh and alive. The experience of needing and being forgiven can provide the motivation to let go.  In the end, forgiveness is a gift for both spouses.

When spouses walk through these steps, reconciliation is possible.  Bricks in the wall begin to come down.  Spouses move towards each other.  Vulnerabilities are acknowledged and treated with sensitivity.  Personal and relational peace is restored.  The couple is set free to see the beauty in each other again.  There is a new beginning.

In your heart, do you desire a new beginning?  Asking and granting forgiveness may be the first step.  You may need to do both.  Start with your relationship with God and then with your spouse.  As you do, Easter will be more than just a religious holiday or a sentiment.  It will be a reality lived out in the present.

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.  2 Corinthians 7:10

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:13