“A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that they were nearly swamped.”

–Mark 4:37

I like word pictures.  While I am not the best at coming up with them when I find one that makes sense I like to think it through and look for application.  A colleague of mine introduced me to one that I really like.  I have played with it for some time now and wanted to share it with anyone who might be interested.  I have also included some questions that might help you apply it your marriage.

Imagine if you will a large ship at sea, a cargo vessel or tanker that has a full load.  It is dutifully headed toward its destination and has a full head of steam.  It has never traveled this path before, but there are maps of other travelers that it is following.  All is running smoothly, but the skies are darkening ahead.  Land is also approaching.  The waves begin to pick up.  The winds push the ship.  The crew has just finished painting a part of the deck that had turned brown with rust.  Suddenly, the rains come down hard, the ship rises and then crashes with the swell of the waves.  The bottom of the ship is revealed covered in barnacles and rust stains run down where the anchor is lowered and raised.  The crew is having difficulty standing and seeing as the rain and darkness limits their visibility.  Just ahead is a fishing trawler whose signal has gone silent and lies unseen.  The channel they seek is also close, but no longer visible.  The crew frantically charts and plots their course and makes adjustments to speed and direction as their instruments and limited visuals suggest.

Now imagine your marriage as this vessel.  You dated and tied the knot.  Perhaps you were like some I know who had a fantastic start and delighted in the relationship you had.  You steamed along with ease.  Or, perhaps you were like my wife and me and you ran aground right after you left the pier, damaging your propeller and then your journey was difficult and labored.  Either way, the original paint and pristine condition faded, there were obstacles that had to be avoided and course corrections that had to be made.  The storms eventually came.

Marriages, like ships (unless dry-docked), are always in motion.  As a result, you never really know what might be next.  Sometimes there is smooth sailing.  Sometimes it is rough.  Sometimes you are tensely trying to find where the waters are deep enough.  Other times you are anchored and taking a swim.  Sometimes you are able to sit and enjoy the view.  Other times you are having to scrub and paint.

Marriage takes place in a constantly changing and harsh environment.  All around us are forces that work to erode our marriage ship.  Much like the sea, these forces do not intentionally try to destroy our marriage, but they have the potential to do so just by their very nature.  For example, children are a force that acts on our ship (maybe you are thinking yours don’t, but mine certainly do).  Children are a great blessing who don’t set out to try and push the ship off course or cause it to corrode.  However, they need their mom and dad and they seek to have as much as they possibly can (at least until they are teens, then they disrupt and corrode in other ways as they try to figure who they will become).  They pose a threat to the integrity of the vessel and whether it will be able to maintain its course.  Certainly there are other threats such as differences, work, money, in-laws, friends, infidelity, abuse, spiritual battles and on and on.  Therefore, it takes effort to study the maps, chart the course, make the turns, and keep the integrity of the ship in working order.

The good news is there is much we can do to try and maintain our ship and the course we want to be on.  Today more than ever we have access to information and services that can help our marriages grow and develop.  Not only can we grow and develop, but sailing through the calm times and the not so calm times can be something of an adventure itself.  The challenging news is that for your marriage to make its journey it will take effort and investment.  The hopeful news is that it is possible.

One last thing: if your ship is headed for peril, consider turning as soon as possible.  It might take some time to make the full course correction to something more desirable, but any little adjustment can help.  Be patient for the turn and do not be afraid to send out an S.O.S.

“He (Jesus) got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ‘Quiet! Be still!’  Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”  Mark 4:39

Consider asking yourself:

• What course is my marriage on today?
• What “forces” act on my marriage?
• How have I viewed the storms of life and of my marriage?
• How will I invest in maintaining my marriage?
• What course do I want to set?
• If needed, what can I do to change to course of my marriage?

Now take some time to share with your spouse if you are willing.