Written by: Greg & Erin Smalley, Speaking of Marriage, Homelife, February 2005

Q: We’ve tried and tried to have a devotional time as a couple.  Nothing seems to work.  What can we do to make this work?  Are there any practical ways to foster spiritual intimacy with my spouse?

A: For many individuals, spiritual growth is difficult, so growing spiritually as a couple can be even more difficult.  But God designed marriage to be a place of spiritual oneness: “And the two will become on flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Mark 10:8-9, NIV).

In Scripture, James wrote, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8).  We believe that prayer, like nothing else, draws couples into a deep, spiritual intimacy together.  In fact, a poll conducted by the National Association of Marriage Enhancements in 1997 shows that the divorce rate among couples who pray together regularly is 1 out of 1,152.  We believe that’s because prayer binds two hearts together with the heart of God.

As you connect, the key is authenticity.  Spiritual growth should not only be a thing we do formally, through church or Bible study, but it should also be carried out informally in our daily lives.  Start with the little things like asking your spouse at the beginning of the day how you can pray for him.  By sharing those needs and by remembering them throughout the day, you’re allowing yourself to be drawn to the Father, but you’re also petitioning God to draw your husband closer to Him.

However, prayer isn’t the only way to foster spiritual intimacy.  There’s no on “right” way to connect with God as a couple.  It’s about understanding who God made you and your spouse to be and connecting with Him out of your natural inclinations.  A great way to start is by talking about how each of you feels closest to God.  Is it through music?  Times of prayer?  Sharing with other Christians in a Bible study?  Then tap into those preferences.  God designed it so you could connect with Him that personally.

We love to listen to praise and worship music together.  When we do, we feel connected to God and to each other.  Perhaps your husband fells God’s presence most powerfully when in nature – then commit to taking walks together.  Use that time to talk about how God is at work in your lives.  Share prayer requests and even pray as you walk.  If you and your spouse connect with God most through serving, find ways to serve each other and to serve others together.  The point is to do something together that helps you feel connected to God and to each other.