The middle of summer heat is a great time for some references to winter and the sport of snow skiing. Interestingly a ski slope is a great metaphor for the human brain. Let me explain. A few weeks ago I caught one of the many programs produced by the Public Broadcasting System (PBS) over the years addressing understanding the human brain and how it works. As a clinical psychologist I have always been in awe and fascinated by the “universe between our ears.”

PBS has aired over the years several programs documenting discoveries neuroscientists have made to confirm the theory that some brain tissue is very “plastic” and as such malleable and flexible. These findings have relevance for couples trying to understand some of the patterns of thought, emotion and behavior in their relationship. A fundamental question almost any married person will ask at some point is, “Can people change? Will my partner change? Can they change if they want to? Could I change myself if I wanted to?” Sadly, many select the cynical response to these questions and as a result make no real effort toward change in their marriage relationships.

There is now research from several sources in neuroscience confirming long held theories about the brain and how it functions. Neuroscientists have long suggested that brain tissue is “plastic,” that is to say that brain tissue is not function specific like our organs, skin, or muscle tissue. Brain tissue can serve a variety of brain functions. Some tissue is used for movement, other for speech, other tissue for memory, decision making, etc. While some areas of the brain seem to be dedicated to specialized functions like speech and movement. Other more personality, emotion and directed behavior functions seem to be very “plastic.” Even the more historically thought of specialized functions like speech or mathematical calculation can be relocated to other brain tissue in the event of brain damage to specific areas of the brain. Interestingly, the younger a person is the more plastic their brain seems to be. Children and adolescents who have suffered brain damage and loss of brain tissue show dramatic potentials to regain functions that are much harder for older brain damage sufferers to recover.

What does all this mean for relationships? Consider that every thought, every belief, every emotion, every habit of behavior has an actual location in the brain. At the cellular level every moment of our awareness involves microscopic signals being passed between sequences of cells over and over again. When you feel encouraged by something your spouse says or does. That feeling has a cellular signature or pathway in your brain. And the sequence of cells firing to create the feeling fire each time you have that feeling. The same is true of a negative feeling like the fear of being ignored. Every time you feel anxious about being neglected and ignored by your spouse there are brain cell pathways being followed by a nerve impulse. It is these “pathways” that we now know are plastic and therefore changeable. In essence we can change these pathways by conscious intention and repetition. Neuroscience has now documented what humankind has known and believed for centuries. People can change if they want to badly enough and are willing to work at it.

This doesn’t mean these pathways are easy to alter or new pathways easy to establish. And some behaviors are probably influenced heavily by other factors like genetics too. But, the new research does confirm and give new credence to our efforts to change patterns of thought, belief, emotion and behavior. Prior to these discoveries people believed in personal change as a matter of faith. That people do and can change is supported by actual observation of changes in brain function.

With every intentional effort I make to think differently, to feel differently, to behave differently I am creating new pathways in my brain that become easier and easier to follow. If I intentionally review in my thoughts the valuable characteristics of my spouse and how they are a blessing to me, those thoughts and the accompanying feelings become more habitual for me. Likewise by interrupting negative thoughts and feelings and intentionally redirecting them, they begin to lose strength as the nerve impulses expressing those thoughts and feelings are interrupted and redirected. When I notice thoughts of judgment, “She is so selfish,” I can challenge the assumptions and redirect my thoughts to more affirming possibilities, “She could be distracted, I wonder what she is feeling right now?” Notice how the new pathway leads to curiosity and interest in my mate. This curiosity could now lead to new patterns of connection with my mate. At this cellular level changes are made that can lead to significant relationship changes.

It is important to note in addition that, “a plastic brain is a vulnerable brain,” as observed by one neuroscientist. Because brain tissue is plastic if we do not exercise intention in how we think, feel, and behave, patterns can be set for us that become very difficult to change. Thus, the challenge of the proverbial bad habit.

One analogy that has been offered is to consider the brain like a ski slope after recent heavy snowfall. As skiers begin to traverse the slope, “groves” or pathways begin to form as skiers follow the same grove or path over and over. Eventually, these groves or paths become so deep and firm it requires a great deal of effort for a skier to traverse the slope on a new path. If the new path is repeatedly followed however, it can eventually replace the old groove or path as the preferred choice. The old groove or path does not necessarily go away and can be followed by a skier if they are not intentional about choosing and using the preferred path. Thoughts, emotions, and behavior can fit this analogy. New paths of thinking, feeling, and behaving can be established with effort and diligence. Old habits may remain available but their power can weaken over time with practice and diligence.

The belief that people can and do change is fundamental to so many human service activities including psychotherapy, counseling, education and ministry. It is inspiring to find neuroscience documenting scientifically that which human beings have been pursuing from the time of Adam and Eve. To become better, healthier, more fulfilled and more valuable to one’s community is basic to the human condition. Unfortunately, many individuals despair of ever changing, or despair that the important people in their life will never change. As a therapist I am always looking for ways to inspire and encourage people about the possibility of something new and different for their lives. Hope is a powerful emotion. It’s encouraging to see science in the case of understanding the human brain, come forward in a direction that supports hope for personal change.

So what are the patterns of thought, belief, attitude, emotion, and behavior you want to see strengthened in your life. Are their patterns you would like to see more prominent in your marriage. Take heart, your change efforts count and your brain is ski slope waiting for new paths and trails of your choosing. You really can change and God has promised to assist and guide the transformation as you allow Him to guide you. Everybody wins when we make our own health, integrity and character a priority.

For more information about the miracle of the human brain and the plasticity of the human brain visit the PBS website at pbs.org. Search under the phrase “Plastic Brain” and you will find more information than you could possibly digest in one sitting.