Written by: Greg & Erin Smalley, Speaking of Marriage, Homelife,  August 2004

Q: Sometimes my wife and I wind up talking about sensitive issues while on dates.  I definitely want to work on communication, but lately it seems we never have fun together.  Do you have any suggestions?

A: Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, “Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life, which has been given to you under the sun, all your fleeting days.  For that is your portion in life.”  This encouragement was written about 935 B.C.  Even thousands of years ago, King Solomon realized the importance of spouses spending time enjoying each other.

Current research supports this same idea. Marital research experts Dr. Scott Stanley and Dr. Howard Markman conducted a survey to discover what creates a “strong” relationship.  To their surprise, the amount of fun couples had together emerged as the strongest factor in understanding overall marital happiness.

You must protect your fun times together.  When conflict or sensitive issues invade your recreation, it’s like throwing a red shirt into the washer with white clothes.  Though you may be discussing only one issue, it can turn your entire date experience “pink.”

Conflict can destroy your play time because it intensifies emotions.  As this happens, it becomes difficult to relax and enjoy each other.  If this pattern occurs too often, you may lose the desire to do fun things together.

Rather than ruining your dates, interrupt arguments or sensitive discussion by agreeing to talk about an issue at a later time.  Reschedule the conversation for a time you can give it the necessary attention.  That way, you’re conveying that protecting your relationship is more important than impulsively arguing about a problem.